Nemesis

Anger and resentment can become a paralizing nemisis in your life. To an outsider, everything can look fine, as though no problems exists. But like some sci-fi movie, in a parrallel dimension, unseen by the naked eye, you are doing battle with Anger himself.

When unresolved anger exists, you become subconciously  and spiritually locked in mortal combat, fighting for your very survival. You can find yourself battling to supress and control this emotion with a literal death grip around Anger's throat.  You may think you have control of the situation  however you dont have the strength or grip that can destroy this enemy. You can only hold him at arms length to not be overcome by him. You know that you cant let go, because to do so means that he can overcome you and destroy your world completely.

And the battle rages on........

Day after day, year after year until you no longer even know where the Anger came from .  He is simply there absorbing your energy and going no where. The truth is he could not leave if he wanted to because of your grip trying to hold him in control. In the physical world, your muscles ache, you're exhausted for seemingly no reason. Simple joys in life loose their luster and simple tasks become overwhelming.

Over time you find yourself more and more isolated and unable to relate to others. Your family and friends become distanced because your ongoing struggle colors your perception of them as well. It's like looking through a pair of muddy goggles in a battlefied. It becomes hard to distinguish who is the enemy and who is the ally.

It is said that"nothing stays the same" and "this too will pass" However this is not true in our parrallel universe.  A person becomes like the rich man in purgatory seeing the other side but unable to reach it or gain a moments relief from torment. The world may change all around us presenting temporary distractions. But the fear of being overcome by our nemesis keeps our grip locked tight. So nothing ever really changes and it never passes. How could hell be any worse?

I tell myself "Focus on the blessings".  But the dirty goggles again make blessings hard to see even though you know they are there. It is kind of hard to stop and smell the roses in the middle of a battlefield.

One thing I know for sure, is that although I have at times had a grip on Anger with one hand, my other hand is gripped on my faith in Jesus. While Anger or Resentment may try to make you give up, I personally could never, ever, give up on Jesus and my God. He promises that no matter what He will never give up on me. He told me He would never leave me nor forsake me. So He is even able to reach me in this parrallel universe.

Many of us are not  able to break free of this spirit of Anger on our own. All of our strength has been used up holding the enemy at bay. We have had our grip in place so long that we are locked in position.  The only hope is to recognize your enemy and ask Jesus to break the hold.

He has shown me that he can reach out and gently open that tighlty gripped fist. He and His power can overpower and banish the spirit of Anger once we are released. Although this kind of life is it's own form of hell, I am reminded that Jesus has been to hell before. He broke the shackles there and can do it again for any of us that need it. He just has to be asked and then allowed to do it.

It doesnt mean that the sneaky sci-fi nemesis wont try to pop up for a sequel. But after Jesus opens the hand trying to control your anger, he can use the same one to pull you out of the hell.

The Thief

Luke 23:43

" I will tell you the truth, this day you will be with me in paradise"

Out of all the scriptures, these may be the most beautiful and most powerful for me.

     A convicted, confessed thief who did not know Christ and who had definitely not tried to live a holy life was told these words. This act and these words have been on my mind for the past few days. I constantly battle with the feeling that I am a failure as a Christian; that I am not doing all that I should. While I dont question that Jesus died for me and that I am saved, I still feel like a disappointment to Him.

I have beent trying to find perspective on how He could continue to love me with a life time of stumbling, failing, and disobedience. For many years I focused on the scripture saying "Be ye perfect even as your Father in heaven is perfect".    Yeah----------that didnt work out too good. So what good am I to Him?

Then He has reminded me of this thief.

This thief who admitted his guilt, had never made an effort to walk with Christ. This thief did not cry out for absolution of his wrong doings. He didnt ask to be saved spiritually or physically.  While salvation is based upon repentence, the scripture does not even reflect that this thief openly repented. He never once said "forgive me".

Instead he says "Remember me when you come into your kingdom".  Maybe something has been lost in translation over the generations. Because to me this equals "Please think kindly of me after I am gone". He knew he was not worthy of anything more than the punishment he was recieving and only asked to be remembered. But he recognized WHO Jesus was and acknowled him as the "Son of God".  I feel that way many times. I want to ask Jesus to just remember that I wasnt all bad.

But Jesus did more than that.

"This day you will be with me in paradise"

If Jesus would make this promise and accept someone who had never made an effort to live for Him, how much more so will he accept His children. Regardless of how we feel about ourselves, he recognizes the heart that acknowledges Him. He recognizes the heart that yearns to bless Him.

All the thief did was acknowlege Him for who he was. So whenever I feel dirty, bruised, failed or useless, I will remember those words. For while I am no more worthy than the thief, I am no less accepted.