Inadequate

In a young ministry, you begin your mission with vision, passion and assurance that you are doing God‘s will. However in most cases as you move forward and begin to encounter disappointment it is easy to become discouraged. I have recently experienced another disappointment in our ministry which resulted in me feeling like a failure, heartbroken and inadequate.

As I prayed for guidance, I asked, “God could I have been so wrong in your direction for my life?” I questioned my ability to perform the task laid before me and even the vision itself. I prayed that afternoon for God to speak to me. I prayed for guidance and assurance that I was doing His will and not mine in His name.

A sleepless night lay ahead for me.

God reminded me that these feelings and doubts are not new. He gave me this example throughout the night.

MOSES
Most of us know who Moses was. The son of a Hebrew slave who had been adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter and eventually delivered Israel from the hand of Egypt. According to history Moses spent 40 years in the house of Pharaoh. He is described as a princely figure of a man with a commanding presence. After he killed an Egyptian taskmaster he fled to Midian.

Moses then endured 40 years of a sense of failure. He knew 40 years of rejection from not only the home in which he had grown up, but from the peoples that he had tried to embrace by his ill fated action. He has run away from facing his problem. He lives with guilt, confusion, as well as a sense of betrayal to both the mother who had nurtured him and the one who bore him. He is a coward, a criminal, and a failure.

It is odd that the bible does not mention in the early portion of Moses’ life that he had a speech problem. This is only brought to attention when God calls him to serve. Scholars have different ideas about what the true problem was. It as been widely accepted that he stuttered. Some scholars believe he had an inability to articulate certain sounds. Still others believe that he was just slow in verbal responses and not comfortable speaking to people. Regardless of which problem it was, it was a source of insecurity for him.

Yet God called him. God not only called him to a purpose but he had a one on one audience with him. This coward. This criminal. This failure who couldn’t even speak for himself was called to lead a nation. Not only was he called to lead a nation but to also confront one of the most powerful leaders in the known world. His response in paraphrase “ I am not adequate.”

Yet through God, this inadequate man lead a nation to freedom. He then led them for another 40 years through the wilderness. Many times in the 40 years he was told that he was wrong. That he was still inadequate. But he took one step at a time. He didn’t try to plan the outcome He merely took one step and then another walking in the faith that God would do what He said He would .

As I wrestled with God about this example, I whined “God you gave him a burning bush, a stick and miracles, and a helper, and …” His response was “ Yes I did. Why do I have to repeat myself?”

Asking God for reassurance every time there is disappointment is not faith. Faith is not having to have the plan laid out for you. Faith is not knowing the end result before you start. Faith is knowing you cant do it by yourself. Faith is taking that step in spite of inadequacies even if you have to carry your heavy heart in a bucket. Faith is not quitting. You can take a breather now and then. Sometimes you have to wait for God to part the seas.

So ok, I am not the best at anything. I may not even be very good at anything. But what I want to be is faithful. I may not have a PHD attached to my name but what I do have is a heart full of praise and a desire to serve.

So when the fire and passion of the vision begins to cool, find the courage to walk on faith. God honors his faithful. Fix your eyes ahead and take one step…….