Worthless

I recently went through an incident in my life which left me feeling totally worthless and uncared for by people that I value. I was really absorbed in my own pity party. But I do not write to my readers as someone who has achieved some level of spiritual superiority. I write to you about my travails of the flesh and the revelations which God gives to me as I journey through this world.

As I stated earlier, I was really withdrawn and just felt like I had no value whatsoever in this world. I was really hurt and disappointed by what happened. I am a personality that had spent most of my life being a caretaker and a people pleaser. As a child I strove to make my parents proud of me. As a wife, I wanted my husband and children to be proud of me. I built a successful business more than once, developed a ministry and was involved in numerous charities. All the while I was looking for approval in the eyes of others.

One day I was sitting quietly mulling over how little I meant to these people. My thoughts were that “Every other person in the world matters in their eyes but me”.

In the quiet of that moment, a question came back to me as clear as a bell. “How much did I matter to myself?” My answer was “ I always try to put other people first. I place more value on what they want than on my own wants and needs.”

The answer came back “ Then why should I expect others to treat me any differently. Why would they not continue the standard that I set for them?"

You cannot find your value, your worth, in the eyes of any person on this earth.” As I thought on this I considered how I feel about my loved ones. I know that in the blink of an eye I would take a bullet to save one them. I would gladly lay down my life for my loved ones. But that is true of most of us. But many times because it has been so freely given, that love is expected and taken for granted as though it was an entitlement instead of a gift.

Then it came to me, if you need to find your worth in the eyes of someone else, you need only look to the cross. That love and willingness to sacrifice that I feel for my loved ones was shown to me exponentially through the eyes of Jesus. He said, “ I know your faults, your weaknesses, your trials and your heart. “ He says “Even though you may take me for granted, I love you enough to sacrifice myself for you.”

How many times have I taken Him for granted? How many times have I looked to be validated by people instead of by the only one who loved me enough to bleed and die for me? If you have people who make you feel special in your life, be grateful. But I truly believe the Lord has revealed to me through this episode of my life to not look to people. People will disappoint you even if they don’t mean to. Jesus Christ on the other hand, will always look at you through eyes of only the purest love. He has already paid the highest price because you have the highest value to Him.